One of the big things they don't teach you in Teacher School...

How to go to the funeral of your student's father.

Last week one of my student's father had a heart attack at home. One of the women we work with lives down the street from them and called me when she saw the ambulance leaving their house. The next day, the boy's aunt emailed me to tell me what had happened. Tuesday afternoon, another teacher and I went over to the house with cards and things the kids in his class had made for him. Wednesday he came back to school.
They don't teach us how to do this....I have read countless articles and websites about teaching kids to cope with death. I have reached out to our school counselors and other teachers who have had their kids' parents die. No one really has any answers and I know there isn't a magic formula of "If A happens then you do B"..... but woah!
Part of the hardest thing with him is that he is SUCH A HAPPY KID and his ADHD is so pronounced that he can be happy and excited one minute (ie: the Halloween Parade) and then instantly it flips back to... "I miss my dad." Its tough.
The funeral was Monday and another teacher and I went for most of it. When he got out of the limo he was so excited to see all of his aunts and uncles and he was so jazzed about showing off his suit he almost forgot why he was there and then the instant he walked into the church, he was a totally different kid. We felt a bit awkward being there and we shuffled off with the over flow crowd into the basement of the church where we could hear the service but could not see anything happening. It was a very somber experience. It was also very powerful for my colleague and I to be there and hear all of the remembrances of his father... certainly made me realize and remember "The Parents of my kids are not always The Enemy." He was a really great man who coached the DC Divas (Women's Pro Football team) and was very involved with his church. He played football in high school and was in the marching band. To me, before this, he was just that dad who fell asleep in one of my meetings (I can't really blame him, some of the are Really long!) It has truly made me think.
It was great to see the amount of support the family has and it is very enlightening to know that I am a big part of that support system.
The next few weeks are going to be really hard and I'm sure even into the next few months and years.
Death is not something you can prepare for in any complicity.